Guidance from Chuck Spezzano
Resolving hidden guilt in oneself; apologising for mistaken blame; reconnecting; true understanding; giving forth
This is another core healing principle: forgiveness is really self-forgiveness.
If the world is simply a reflection of your own mind, if all blame and judgement are projections of your own guilt and self-attack, then forgiveness of others releases both the others and the subconscious guilt within you. Guilt is really a form of arrogance which makes life all about oneself, rather than just learning the lesson, correcting the mistake and moving on.
Forgiveness puts things in perspective and brings back innocence. It returns life to ease, flow and confidence. Forgiveness is not a form of winning the competition while another fails. Nor is it about condescension or superiority. It is not deigning to grant the other mercy - which is really superiority (hidden judgement and overcompensation for guilt and feelings of inadequacy) and competition (distraction from success and fear of the next step).
We fear forgiveness because we feel that we would be locked into a position of sacrifice or wounding. We feel that we are justified in our grievance or anger and that it would be stupid to give this up. Yet grievances are never about what someone else has done but in fact are about what we have not forgiven ourselves for. We are actually holding our past against them. No situation can fail unless we fail to give something.
Forgiveness is simply reconnection. It is an apology for blaming others for 'crimes' you thought that you had committed. Forgiveness is the realisation that it was all just a mistake, and true understanding and a new healed situation appear. In forgiveness you finally get to give what was not given in the past. This heals you and the one being judged.
One of the core dynamics of any problem is broken bonding, or separation. Guilt is the superglue of life which keeps us stuck in painful patterns and situations, while forgiveness is the solvent which releases us not only from our guilt, but also from our withdrawal, unworthiness and sacrifice, and from the feelings of deadness, exhaustion, difficulty, being stuck, valuelessness and overcompensation. As we are released from that which separates us, we are reconnected and the problem is solved.
Understand that it is important to motivate yourself to forgive, because what you don't forgive in any one person, you don't forgive in everyone, including yourself.
This means that, without forgiveness, you will create distance -- even with those you love the most. The power to change your situation is in your hands. Forgiveness is a choice which creates a new giving forth and a new receiving.
Release your grievances so the hidden self-attack and lack of freedom will be released. If done by oneself, forgiveness is a difficult lesson, and self-forgiveness can be even harder. But you can ask your Higher Mind for help in accomplishing the forgiveness. While there are many beautiful forgiveness exercises, you could just as easily let it be done by grace. Realise that if you are blaming yourself or others, the truth is being blurred.
Choose the truth. Ask to know it. Ask for the forgiveness to occur. This may happen layer by layer, or it may occur all at once. In other words, you can ask for a miracle and the whole situation can be seen in a new light.